Learning the Art of Active Listening (Part 2)

In my last article, we talked about the benefits of Active Listening, as well as the right attitude and conditions that make it possible. In this article, I will describe the Four Active Listening Skills that we need to practice to become better and more active listeners: Silence, Clarifying, Reflecting Feelings, and Caring Confrontation.

Silence

Most of us believe that no one needs practice on how to shut up – you just shut up. When I teach students this first active listening skill, I instruct them to pair up, then to look at each other without saying anything for an entire minute. The outcome is always the same: giggling, sweaty brows, fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, and nervously asking, “isn’t it one minute yet?”.

Truly listening means being okay with the discomfort of silence.

Silence is uncomfortable. We are used to always having a comeback, trying to keep the conversation going. Through the discomfort of silence, we are able to communicate to another person that we are ready to be vulnerable with them. It shows them that they can talk to us about anything – everything – and we will give them the space and time to do so.

Try it. When a friend, partner, or family member starts talking to you, stop yourself from…